The Meaning of CO

Don't ask me why, but for quite some time I have been thinking about this ever since I finished my exams. One chapter of my life is drawing to a close and yet another chapter about to begin. Things are definitely not going to be the same: it's going to be another new phase, a new environment and a different pace.

And in the twilight of change I wonder about the one thing that has more or less been the one constant in my life: CO. What does it mean? Where do I go from here? What now? While life has changed for me, be it high school, junior college, NS or university, looking back at my days in CO nothing much has changed in terms of my link to it. But now I wonder about my 'passion', in that is it a good thing or not? What exactly is CO? Is there more to CO than just the concerts and competitions? I always thought that there was more to CO than just the performance and thankfully I have not been proven wrong to a certain extent, although it is disquieting to try to understand people who see CO as nothing more than a way to get CCA points to achieve other purposes.

But why is it that it feels like there is nothing more to CO than just the concert and all the preparations for it? Outside this there seems to be nothing, a big empty void. Only a sense of having to attend practices so as to be ready for the big concert, a mentality that quickly degenerates into feeling that you're doing a chore rather than having fun.

And now the 'fun parts' of CO are more of the events that happen before and after the practice, rather than the practice or the performance itself.

In that case, what am I doing? Going to CO so as to enjoy the things that happen before and after it: is this really CO? Why then should I put in the effort for what happens during when what I look forward to are things happening before and after? Why is it that CO is nothing more than practices and performances, or is it because this is actually what it is and that I should be looking for something else.

What should I do? Where can I go? At this point of time no answer seems to be forthcoming. Faith, where are you?

DreamCatcher