Flying Blind

I read before that we should carefully scrutinise the qualities that we think one's ideal mate should have, qualities such as interests, character, personality, appearance, expectations etc, because at the end of it all, such qualities can be divided into 2 categories: "must-have" and "nice-to-have."

The reason for such scrutiny is that no one is perfect and there is no such thing as a perfect relationship - relationships being compromises for a common goal - and therefore we should not limit ourselves by defining every quality we wish our ideal mate to have as critical criteria.

When I read that article, I thought about my list of ideal mate qualities and what are the "nice-to-have" qualities. In theory, the ability to play a musical instrument, especially an instrument from the chinese orchestra family, is practically speaking only a "nice-to-have" quality. In truth, that is one of the key attributes of my dream relationship.

In practice, despite the logic of this quality being merely "nice-to-have", I cannot bring myself to drop this criteria. Music, especially CO music, has been a central part of my life for so long, and I have been waiting all this while to find that special someone to share this part of my life with. To me, being supportive of this interest of mine isn't quite the same, and it may not be enough for me.

Some of my friends have said to me that music isn't everything, that by doing so I am only limiting myself unnecessarily. In terms of the CO element, I would agree as there is still SO and other forms of music ensembles. But ultimately, the ability to play a musical instrument, or to have an interest in similar genres of music, without such common ground it feels hard to share what I feel, my musical life and experience. Music is me, not to the extent of say, a professional musician or composer; but well, for those who really know me, they would know what I am trying to say here.

I may be just in a fit of irrationality to think such thoughts now, but I feel sad not to have this area of common ground. I had toyed with the idea of taking one tentative step in this direction by leaving CO and joining another musical group. But honestly, this remains something beyond my current comfort zone.

I agree with the point that I can always introduce CO and music as a new area for the other half to experience. That is still an open option for me. Who knows, I may even give up CO altogether one day. Although at present, that is not a likely event for some time to come.

"Just let love develop on its own. You may be surprised." Maybe I am being too concerned, too calculating, but that's because I do not understand how such things can happen to me.

I write what I can using words, given the limits of my ability to express myself in English. For those who are willing to listen (and thanks in advance for the concern), do stop by to listen when I play my music. Thank you.

DreamCatcher