Giro

'Giro', a familiar term everyone knows that is the name for a form of electronic fund transfer between bank accounts. Perhaps it's because of the 'cyclic' nature of such transactions that the name 'giro' is used, since 'giro' is also Greek for 'circle'.

A circle. A perfect, seamless state where there is no beginning or end, just continuity.

But that's just one side of the coin, for a circle also means the inability to exit the cycle as it continues its path, with no beginning or end.

It is believed in general that friends are there to help and support each other, especially in times of need. However, the flip side is when such 'support' becomes more of a burden. And so a dilemma arises as confiding in friends becomes a double-sided issue: friends will say of course they will listen, while things are bottled up so that friends will not be unduly burdened by additional worries. Can we always confide without any undue worry? Or will such botherings strain the friendship? Will there come a point where it parallels the story of the boy who cried Wolf? Will it degenerate into a 'oh no, there he goes again...' scenario?

By bottling it all up this dilemma is avoided, and yet when the bottle is bursting to the brim it overflows and spills over. In telling a friend the timer gets reset, but how many more times can a friend show concern before it becomes a chore to even listen? And then is there any use in crying over spilt milk? If it's just futile worrying then why spread the hurt? Bottle gets filled. Bottle overflows. Bottle bursts or gets emptied. Bottle gets filled. The circle is complete.

And there's also the guilt of shocking a friend with such confusion and pain, where friendship results in a barrier as uncertainty of the consequences becomes a concern. To speak or not to speak, to let it all out or not; the dilemma continues.

Ah, forget it. I fail to articulate in words what I wish to say. Not that words are not emotive or strong enough to express how I feel now but rather I fear that words are now too strong in meaning to adequately address this delicate position I am in right here, right now. After tonight's sleep, things should feel better.

In the end I find myself back at where I started: words are simply not enough. Only in music can I find the means to fully express myself.

I wish I could play my music for her.

DreamCatcher