Turn Left, Or Right?

It has been a long time since I've written an entry here, partly because I have been busy, but mainly because I didn't know what to write. A classic case of writer's block, perhaps, compounded by a general lethargy to lift the poverbial feather quill or even ponder about what should I write.

And thus one whole month went by.

Others have scribed an account of the day where there is a lack of anything more to say; well, for the past month my life was attending lectures, travelling to and from school and the occasional NUSCO prac. Nothing spectacular nor even noteworthy. It has been a quiet month and nothing more, something that I aspire my days to be if not for that missing piece in this jigsaw puzzle. A simple and quiet hermitage, undisturbed by the rest of the world; that would be nice. But first I must fulfil this quest of mine...

Why this sudden want to write again then? Basically two things that I've recently come upon. The first, as you would guess from my title, is the movie "Turn left, turn right" and the second... let's just call it a "flight of fancy". I am still capable of distinguishing imagination from reality, but it is nice to have my belief suspended for a while as I fly back to a childhood dream of old.

First things first; romance fiction has a particular appeal to people mainly for 2 reasons: the desire to escape reality and be entertained by alternate experiences one may never experience personally in this life and the aspiration to have such sweet moments in one's life. And deeper in between such lines lies a theorectical debate on whether life is about choice or whether it is all predestined on a hybrid of both. The bulk of romance seems to favor the 'destiny' approach but this is not my point here. What I'm concerned about is the fact that in life some things do require a 'spark' of 'fate' before they actually happen and somehow the line between choice and destiny becomes blurred. If not fated to, then no matter what you try things will not happen, but then if you make a choice and do something that works, some people say that that's because it's fated to be. What then is choice? What then is fate?

Imagine the plot of "Turn left, turn right" actually occurring in reality - and it is highly possible too since most of us live in apartments with various ways of entry and exit - it really gives meaning to the phrase 'so near and yet so far away'. Unfortunately, the twist that reality tends to provide is that the parties end up unaware of each other's presence and move on in life. Memories get forgotten, and that's it.

I do not know her, she does not know me. There is no link whatsoever between the two of us. Her name, what she does, how she's like I know not; in fact the awareness of existence is only one-sided. All I know is that she exists and currently shares the same time-dimension matrix with me. All I know is that she is or used to be studying at the Diocesan Girls School in HK. I do not know what type of character is she, her likes/dislikes. All I know is how she looks like.

And that is all that will ever be. 1 person amongst the billions scattered all over the face of this planet. It's a small world, and yet a big one too.

No, I have not lost my marbles, but kindly try to understand what I've been thinking. It's not about getting to know her or even meeting her. It's especially not about hoping to befriend her or even court her. It's about that flash of recall that had I seen her face 8 years ago I would have gaped and thought, "Oh my God, she's the one."

8 years. It seemed like a memory from a previous life. A reverie of how I used to be. It's like trying to re-experience to joy of playing Lego when I was 5; hard to describe and even harder to recreate. But now I remember yet another shard of an old aspiration. Girl, whoever you are, wherever you may be now, thank you.

Expectations may only be mere expectations, but at least now I remember what I used to aspire towards. The only thing I can say to myself now is that the time is not ripe, and that I can only bide my time for now. And so, for this last entry of mine before my exams I want to restate that my search for Faith is far from over, but sadly I have approached my quest wrongly. Only time can tell, and only in due time.

Perhaps it too has been an error to state all the above, but the very notion that people can be so near and yet so far disturbs me so. The wall must tumble and the remoteness compromised. The sky above beckons; I too want to fly, light as the summer breeze and free from the barriers created by society and myself.

But first, the exams.

DreamCatcher